Ever since I was a child, I was taught this commandment. It’s the 5th Commandment with a Promise. The promise is that you will have a long life, Exodus 20: 12. Wow, that’s pretty amazing especially when you think about the average life span of a human is 75 years of age. As children and teenagers we’ve all undergone a rebellious stage or a stage where we thought we knew it all and our parents knew nothing. We thought to ourselves “they’re out of touch”, “they know nothing”. But like my mother always said, “when you were coming, I went and came back several times”. Basically, there’s nothing new under the sun.
As we age and form our own families many believe that we no longer have to honor our parents, and that honoring our parents is something wedo only when we are under age and under the care of our parents. Many believe that when we get married or move away that this commandment doesn’t apply.
The Bible teaches otherwise. Jesus very clearly stated it in Mark 7: 8-13. He made it a point to expose the religious community (Pharasees and Scribes) that they had forgotten to honor their father and mother thus making the Word of God of no effect. When a person marries, their wife and children become the priority. Nothing trumps the nuclear family nor the spouse; however, we don’t forget our parents and we don’t neglect to honor them.
This leaves me to the question. What does it mean to honor your mother and father? Or better yet, how do we honor our parents as children, growing up, and as adults?
How to honor your parents:
- Show Respect: listen to their stories, their thoughts & feelings. What are their interests? Speak kindly to them. Be courteous and loving. Do not curse them or be rude. Do not belittle them or make them feel inferior. Encourage, motivate and uplift them up. Hold them in upmost esteem. Listen to their advice.
- Spend Quality time with them: visit them often, go for walks at the park, take them out to restaurants , cook them a meal or go have lunch at their home. Most Mothers I know love cooking for their children, adult children and or grandchildren. Talk to them regularly on the phone. You don’t know when you’ll have that last conversation. Go to church with them, garden with them. Ask them to help you if this is an area of a speciality to them. I know my mom has a green thumb. Everything she touches in the plant world flourishes. Cook together, go shopping, go hang out at the beach and talk. Make it a point to take your mother or father on a vacation or a trip. There’s a time for the nuclear family and there’s a time where you can spend time in vacation and honor them.
- Support them financially and/or emotionally: pray with them, listen to their stories, assist with errands, paying bills and or household chores. If your mother or father has a limited fixed income, help them financially. Give them money. Set up a budget where you can support them on a monthly basis. Trust me, it helps but it shows love, gratitude, and appreciation. If your mother is a widow, please make sure you supply her needs to the best of your abilities. Include this in your budget as a sweet aroma to God. Remember that true religion is to help the widows and orphans in their time of need.
- Gratitude: tell them often you are blessed to have them in your life. Tell them you love them and that you need them in your life. Let them know that you are praying to God that they will reach the ripe age of 100. When your garden grows beautifully, tell them thank you for tips and for teaching you. Show them you love them by celebrating their birthday, anniversary, Christmas and Mother’s day! Get them thoughtful gifts that say I love you and I’m blessed to have you in my life.
- Uphold their teachings, faith & family values: my parents taught me humbleness and kindness to all whether big or small, poor or rich. In my family my parents taught me generosity and inclusiveness. They taught forgiveness and to never exclude family. To always go out of your way to make family feel welcomed. Let them see this. Show them through action when serving others whether it’s through entertaining in a home gathering with food, laughter, and kindness or a special family event. Show them that the fruit of the Spirit are evident in your life.
- Seek their advice and wisdom: ask for advice. It gives them value & importance. Ask them to pray for you in times of trouble. Talk about conflicts, traumas, and resolve past hurts & disappointments that happened among family members. Have discussions on the lessons learned.
- Show Compassion and Love: Listen, hug and kiss them often. Embrace them for once you were a child. They cared for you and nursed you to health and stayed up late with many sleepless nights. They fixed your wounds and defended you against the world during times of trouble.
I understand that not every son or daughter had a healthy and happy upbringing. I understand that some parents might have been cruel and unloving. I understand that in certain circumstances set boundaries need to be established for the peace and harmony of self and your marriage/family. But I also know that we can be better and do better. I also know that God is Love. I also know that the Bible teaches us to love and pray for our enemies. I also know that we are to forgive. I also know that if we ask our heavenly father, he will give us a “Manassah” moment, meaning he will “make us forget the pain in our family”. Today if this is you, ask the Lord to heal your heart so that you too can honor your parents even if they do not deserve it. Let’s be real , we don’t deserve God’s forgiveness either. We don’t deserve his mercy and grace. Yet, he sent HIs son to die on the cross for us. Maybe you can’t do all the things on this list. Maybe you can only do 1 thing. Then start there.
For the rest, don’t let the busyness of life , cares of this world and our own selfishness rob you of the blessing of honoring your father and your mother. Loving others as yourself starts at home with your parents. Go be love and show love to those that gave you life. God sees it all.
Much love,
Karly XOX