Many people ask themselves how could someone who was raised in the church & the fear of the Lord become a prodigal daughter? And I’m not talking about a person who disliked church. I’m talking about a person who loved being in the house of the Lord with the amazing music & worship that lead you into the presence of God. I’m talking about a person who as a child was read the scriptures every night and prayed with her mother and brother. I’m talking about a person who enjoyed the scriptures and hearing about every amazing historical & biblical account of the old testament and how it was still relevant to us today. I’m going to add even more insight.
Let me clarify what a Prodigal daughter is NOT. A Prodigal daughter isn’t a hypocrite. She’s not one who’s in the church but living 2 lives. She’s not pretending to following God’s commands or moral laws as written in the Bible and doing the opposite. A Prodigal daughter is not one who is deceiving herself and others. A Prodigal daughter is one who slowly walks away. She’s not living 2 lives. She literally walked away for a period of time. Why? What happened?
Many parents questions themselves, “Did I do something wrong? Did I not teach them enough? Did I not take them to church enough? Did I take them to the wrong church?” Did I not set an example at home? Did I not spend enough time with them & teach them? Did I over protect them? Was I too strict? Was I too religious where everything was a sin? Did I spend so much time in the church that I forgot to spend quality time with the family and investing in their children’s interests, talents and gifts?” to some, maybe this was true and maybe some of this rang true in my life but in my circumstance the answer in short is NO! How do I know? because I was the Prodigal daughter who came home.
My early memories of being raised as a small child in the church were of me frequently drawing on paper as the sermons were being preached or when the service extended (this happened frequently). I remember falling asleep on the pews as I rested my head on my mothers lap. I also remember reading out loud in Spanish during Sunday school at the Spanish speaking church we attended. Church services back then were for hours. It consisted of Sunday morning, afternoon, Wednesday mid-week service, later Friday youth night, and then back to 2 services on Sunday. (Our world was the church community)
You would think I disliked church but the opposite was true. I felt peace and at home. I remember going to Youth camp and revivals. I remember feeling the Spirit of the Lord at an early age. I remember one night on a drive home, I was leaning against the car window to see the most beautiful view of the night sky and stars and feeling Gods presence like showers of rain just by admiring His beauty and creation. Tears fell from my eyes. I worshipped God with my thoughts and felt His divine presence. Wow was my word. I wondered how was it even possible for anyone to deny His existence.
At the age of 12, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit as I was worshipping God in a Youth service. At age 14, I was baptized in water declaring “Jesus is my Lord”. I absolutely loved being in the house of the Lord & worshipping even though I was very aware that our bodies are the temple of the Lord but I meant the house of prayer & worship. I consumed endless sermons and teachings and I knew what it meant to be separated from the world. I remember loving the scriptures so much that during my middle school years, I would actually take my bible to school every day. I didn’t have time to read it at school but the thought of having it with me brought me comfort & peace in a world that I knew I was not part of. Was I different? Absolutely. Did I care? Not one bit. I had my friends, I had my family, and I had dreams & goals of a beautiful future going somewhere, being someone, and fulfilling my purpose. I knew I was going to get a college education and rise above my present economical status. My parents & aunts & uncles always taught us, you want a nice car? You want to own your own home? You want a great job that you love? You want an inheritance? Go to school and get your education because this is the one thing that no one will ever take away from you on this Earth. So, I had my “faith”, “family”, “friends”, “future” goals but still I strayed. (It’s a good thing our God is a Merciful God, a God that is VERY familiar with his people and detours. ( Just read about the history of Israel in the Old Testament.)
So what happened? How could I have strayed? How did I become the “Prodigal Daughter”?
I’ll answer this. You see many people come to the Lord from the world. They did everything, searched for the meaning of life, lived for themselves selfishly, suffered, some fell into addictions, some rose and became very successful but felt completely alone until one day they had an encounter with Jesus and their entire world changed. (No one can fill the void that only Jesus can fill)
When you are raised in the church as a Christian, you don’t know any of this. You know what it is to feel God’s presence, you know what it is to feel joy and protection. You were raised knowing and loving Jesus and feeling His love but what you didn’t know was if everything they taught you and even experienced was the only “truth”. It’s kind of like Eve in the Garden of Eden. All she knew was God and His goodness. But what if there was something else? Is it our human nature to think this way? I’m not sure, but it happened to me. I wanted to know what it was like to have freedom without guilt. I wanted to live for me as most young adults do. I wanted to dance, laugh, and go on adventures. I wanted to wrecklessly fall in love without worrying if the person had the same values, morals, and dreams. (I know, this sounds bad, it sounds selfish and sinful. Yet these were my thoughts at that time seeing the world from a glass house and not actually experiencing life.)
I was raised with the belief that dancing was sinful among other things when in reality there’s a time for everything says the Word of God. We do have to be very selective on what we are listening to & how we are dancing as it must align with the Word of God but not all music nor all dancing is from the pit of hell. ( I think this is where the term religious spirits come into the scene) There’s a time to laugh, a time to cry, and a time to dance. All you need to do is look at little children and watch them happily dance to music that is uplifting and fun. Apparently, moderation is necessary. Some people have addictions from their past and or they know their weaknesses all too well and they have to avoid things or situations at all costs. But this is not the case for many.
I wanted to make my own decisions because of me and not because of others views. I wanted to know if Jesus was the Only way? I had a lot of questions even though I knew the Bible inside out. I had questions and I had many doubts. Maybe it was just my human nature or maybe it was the enemy trying to steal my crown, my purpose, and my destiny. I wanted to know what other people felt in their religions. Did they feel God like I did? Did their god love like Jesus loved me? Did they have a relationship not just religion? But I must admit, I mostly just wanted to have fun. I wanted to live and experience life on my terms. The “flesh” was calling and I ran toward it.
My journey in becoming a prodigal daughter began at the age of 19 during my college years. I had a newly found freedom, a car, new friends, extended hours of a curfew or I would escape my house to hang out with friends til very very late. I was exposed to a whole new world of independence, music, dancing, hang outs, and fun. I had discovered the pleasures of this world, different cultures, backgrounds, and fell in love with someone from a totally different culture and religion. With my new reality, I began to question everything. I didn’t question the existence of God for I knew Him well but I questioned the Word of God. Was Jesus the only way? Were there many paths to Heaven? I was curious and wanted to find the answers to these questions on my own. I would like to say that I got my answers answered quickly but it was only the beginning of my journey straying farther and farther from God. Sin does this you know. The more I practiced the things of this world and sin, the farther it took me. It cost me a price that I didn’t realize I couldn’t pay. I was no longer free but a slave for the next 7 years.
During these 7 years, I broke many commandments, I repented a lot but kept living my life without changing. Alcohol was never an attraction for me so in my group of friends, I was usually the designated driver. I didn’t like alcohol and I was always so cheerful and happy that I didn’t understand the need for this. I went to community college, then to the University of South Florida, and lastly, New Mexico State University. I loved learning and the college life. I rarely went to church.
I dated someone from a Hindu religion & culture. I even attended their temple and learned about the religion. I practiced being vegetarian and did Yoga for many many years. I also had Muslim friends. I learned about their prayers & customs. I had a very dear friend whom I would visit and she would wear her head covering and she would share her religion and thoughts with me. I can honestly say that I had friends from all over the world. I felt horrible for I knew that I had idolatry in my life. You would think it was because I stepped foot on a foreign temple but I had made my relationship my idol. At that time, I chose a person before my God. Oh no! What had I done? I felt trapped, guilty, and in a lonely prison without walls. A prison that I couldn’t get myself out of. So I began to pray. God is always listening. I called out to him to help me. I had detoured.
Next thing you know, the Lord opened doors for a way out and He took me to New Mexico. A small city called Las Cruces where I would get my Masters degree in Speech Pathology. Sometimes God will take us places we never imagined to save us. For the next 2 years I felt my chains getting looser. I continued my studies and even though I wasn’t close to God, I could honestly feel His protection & favor over my life. (I now know that it was my mothers prayers covering me until I found my way back home.)
Rewinding for just a minute. I had learned many many things in my walk. Watching, observing, and listening to my friends talk about and experience their god or religion taught me something. They didn’t feel what I felt. They didn’t experience God’s presence like I felt it. I know because we talked about it. I listened to them. I was even sitting in their temples and still I did not feel God. It was very serene and peaceful. But once you have felt the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, nothing can compare. I was actually very very open to learning and listening. I was exploring and waiting but nothing and I mean nothing compared to the God I felt still in my heart and Whom I had a relationship with on a daily basis. For these 7 years though I would pray and cry out from time to time. God was distant. Well, in reality, I was distant from Him. He was always there waiting for me to come Home. My sin and rebellion kept me away from Him. I had chains that did not allow me to run to my Heavenly Father. I missed Him so much. I missed God’s presence over my life. I missed my personal relationship with the King of Kings-Jesus. It was so lonely but I was so distracted with getting my education, responsibilities, and living my life that I had no room nor time for God.
One day, on the month of February 1999, just 3 months from graduating, I came home to my apartment that I shared with 2 other room mates and I began to cry. I was alone. No one was home. I cried and cried from the bottom of my soul. I began to pray. I said, “Lord, I miss you”, I need you. Forgive me of my sins. I know that I am bound because i don’t do what I want to do anymore, Break the chains that have me bound in Jesus name, I choose YOU!” It was at that moment, that my life changed. It turned. I felt the presence and power of the Holy Spirt fall on me like showers of Rain.” I cried and cried and wept so hard like if someone had died. I could feel the spiritual chains fall off me. God was with me. God was freeing me. God was in charge again. I could feel His presence again. I felt so much love. I felt Jesus! I felt this joy that overflows. I began to smile and laugh with a pure joy like a kid in a candy store. I remember picking up the phone and ending my long distance relationship. I remember that my prayer life began again from that day on. I began to pray for my future spouse, and Gods will in my life.
To make a long story short, I met my future husband 3 months later, graduated with my Masters degree, got engaged and married within 5 1/2 months and my journey as a Christian was back on track. I had come Home! I would like to tell you that life after this was smooth sailing LOL, but it wasn’t. It was the beginning of the Lord working in me, changing me, showing me His will as I dived into His Word. Just when I finally though ok, I’m doing God’s will, He would show me another area that I needed to let go of, that I needed to repent, and even find freedom & deliverance. I had discovered an entirely new and amazing walk with the Lord where he began to call me, prepare me, and give me an insight on what He had called me to do. I had a purpose, a calling and no matter what life threw my way, I knew without a shadow of a doubt God was with me and He would never let me go.
The journey of being a Christian is not a perfect one, but we know that God’s Mercy & Grace is on us. When we repent and turn from our sins, He is faithful and true to forgive us. We become blameless and a saint. That’s the power of the blood of Jesus that washes away our sins, gives us peace, eternal salvation, and a future.